Nurturing Emotional Healing; A Journey Through Grief and Self-Care

“Grief, I’ve learned, is really just love. It’s all the love you want to give but cannot. All of that unspent love gathers up in the corners of your eyes, the lump in your throat, and in that hollow part of your chest. Grief is just love with no place to go.” - Jamie Anderson

Life sometimes presents us with unexpected challenges that test our strength and resilience. No matter how hard we plan, think positively, or surround ourselves with peace and love, these challenges are unpredictable, unavoidable, and hard to understand.

As a health and wellness expert, I aim to inspire others on their path to well-being. Sometimes that means holding space for someone who is wearing heavy coats of emotions and holding conversations about taboo topics like grief and loss.

Today, I want to delve into the topic of grief, the grieving process, and share my personal experience with grief and how I've utilized my expertise to navigate the difficult process of healing after the loss of a pregnancy.

“Grief is the price we pay for love” - Queen Elizabeth II

Let’s start first with an understanding of Grief:

Grief is a natural and normal response to loss. It is a complex emotional process that individuals go through when they experience a significant loss, such as the death of a loved one, the end of a relationship, a major life change, or a loss of a job.

Grief is a deeply personal experience, and everyone grieves in their own way and at their own pace. The grieving process is not linear and can fluctuate over time, with periods of intense emotions followed by moments of calm. It is important for individuals to allow themselves to feel and process their emotions during the grieving process, as suppressing or denying feelings can prolong the healing process. It's crucial to allow ourselves to feel and process these emotions, as denying them can prolong the healing process.

Grief can manifest in different ways and can include feelings of sadness, anger, guilt, confusion, and loneliness.

Physiologically speaking, when a person experiences a significant loss and goes through the grieving process, it can trigger a range of emotional and physical responses, including changes in the body's stress hormones and neurotransmitters (messengers in the brain that pass along signals to other parts of the brain).

One of the key hormones involved in the stress response is cortisol, which is released by the adrenal glands (look like little hats on top of your kidneys) in response to stress. During the grieving process, cortisol levels may increase, contributing to feelings of anxiety, sadness, and emotional distress.

Grief can also affect the levels of neurotransmitters in the brain, such as serotonin and dopamine, which play a role in regulating mood, emotions, and motivation. Changes in these neurotransmitter levels can contribute to symptoms of depression, such as sadness, fatigue, and loss of interest in activities.

Additionally, the body's immune system may be affected by grief, as chronic stress and emotional distress can weaken the immune response and make individuals more susceptible to illness and infection.

Healthy processing of grief is about releasing emotions, taking care of yourself, finding supports, and giving yourself time to heal. Grief is not linear and looks different for each person each time it is experienced. Healing through grief cannot be rushed.

Why is Grief Taboo in America?

In American culture, grief is often considered a taboo subject for various reasons. Death avoidance, emotional restraint, fear of discomfort, cultural expectations of "moving on," and a lack of education and awareness all contribute to the silence around grief. Challenging these cultural norms and fostering open and compassionate conversations is essential to support those who are grieving.

We are not meant to go through this life alone. Friends and family may not be the easiest to talk to. You must find your tribe. There are so many grief groups you can connect with. Church bulletin boards, community centers, even your own social media pages can help you find others who share similar/same experiences. Most of the time the “awkwardness” of talking about loss is because there is a lack of understanding and skill of knowing how to hold space and support each other. It’s the uncomfortability of not being able to make things feel better or to be able to “fix” the situation.

“The only way out is through” -Robert Frost

If you are fortunate enough to have not experienced profound loss first hand, there are some things you can do to support another on their journey with grief.

Supporting Someone in Grief:

Supporting someone who is deeply grieving requires empathy, patience, and compassion. Get comfortable with silence, long pauses, pain, sadness, and anger. Get comfortable with not knowing what to say, and allowing the conversation to be about someone else and not deflecting your discomfort. This means don’t try to change the subject, don’t try to lift them up. Just actively LISTEN.

Being present and offering a listening ear without judgment is invaluable. Validating their feelings and practicing active listening shows that you understand and care. Practical support, respecting boundaries, and offering ongoing support are also vital. If needed, gently encouraging professional help can be beneficial.

If you or someone you know is experiencing a mental health crisis or considering self harm, please call 988 or text BRAVE to 741-741 to be connected with professional support.

Never underestimate the power of a good mental health professional. It’s ok not to be ok.

“Healing comes in waves and maybe today the wave hits rocks and that’s okay, that’s okay, darling. You are still healing, you are still healing.’- Ijeoma Umebinyuo

Finding Healing Through Self-Care:

During my own journey of grief, I've found slices of comfort in various self-care practices. Reiki, aromatherapy, meditation, breathwork, journaling, and yoga have all played a significant role.

In the beginning, it was hard to get out of bed. It was hard to find the energy to anything more than burn with the fiery hot feelings of anger and frustration and crumble under the waves and weight of sadness and disbelief, disappointment, and despair. Not to mention the near crippling fear of sympathetic looks, and “weirdness” when around others.

I started small. I found a few bottles of essential oils and I made two aromatic blends- one to comfort and soothe my frayed nervous system and another to help with levity, energy, and motivation. I felt like I was about to burst and needed an outlet so I journaled. As the words filled the pages, tears flooded my eyes and streamed down my face. The more I did this, the easier it became and to talk about my experience. Over the next 8 weeks I layered in meditation after my journaling practice. Then came breathwork, yoga, and finally reiki.

These practices helped me to release trapped emotions, promote relaxation, and support my body's natural healing process. Journaling was my outlet for emotional expression, meditation was the quiet time to listen to my heart and learn what I needed for healing. Breathwork came in like a wrecking ball- cracking my heart wide open and facilitating the deep release of the trauma I experienced and held deep in my body. Yoga helped to ground me back down into my body. It brought back energy and strength. Finally reiki was able to come in and further refine and soothe my being and help me rebuild what felt like my shattered vase. I also sought help from a mental health professional. I will be forever grateful for Ms. Barbara and the Sage Wisdom she shared with me and the gentle nudges given to find my inner strength.

Oddly enough, I found that some foods seemed to trigger “bad days.” Caffeine, processed foods, alcohol, skipping meals, and forgetting to take vitamins and supplements seemed to make things worse. I just didn’t have the energy to think and plan so I hired a nutritionist to help me build a routine that was right for my body and could help me nourish and replenished my taxed mind, body, and soul.

I know it sounds like a lot. You’re probably thinking how you wish you had “time” to do stuff like this. The truth is, you have to MAKE the time.  You have to prioritize yourself and your healing. It’s like the fight attendants say, you can’t save someone else if you don’t put your own oxygen mask on first.

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For so long, I have focused on caring for others, I forgot about all of the inner healing I had done to get to this point. So I took a BIG step back and started the self healing process all over. I went dark on social media, and barely was present for The Nurse Intuitive. I needed the space and time to do the work and heal.

None of this has been a “cure all.” It’s not been a “one and done” treatment plan. It’s a constant journey that’s not done yet and frankly may never be. And that’s ok. It’s taking things moment by moment. It’s coming to the realization that scars form as healing occurs. It’s our scars that make us beautifully human and wonderfully created.

Allow yourself to grieve, lean on your support system, and utilize self-care practices to nurture your emotional well-being. May this blog post inspire others on their own path of healing through grief and self-discovery.

“Within the depths of grief, a profound transformation unfolds, like a caterpillar cocooning in darkness. As we navigate the labyrinth of loss, we shed old layers, discovering the strength and resilience that resides within. Grief becomes the crucible in which we are forged anew, emerging as beings of roofing compassion, empathy, and wisdom. Embracing the journey of grief, we find that our broken pieces mend together, forming a mosaic of beauty and resilience, revealing the depth of our capacity to heal and love.” -Unknown

As I close, I will leave you with a short passage from my journal: The Sun and the Moon are balancing entities that illuminate the natural rhythms of our lives on this planet. One floods of with light, vibrant life force energy, and offered warmth and nourishment. The other has a cooling, soothing illumination and serves as a promise of never ending change, and a reminder that no matter how dark things get, look for the light amongst the stars.

Eclipses are much like grief. Powerful and rare. Frightening, yet awe inspiring opportunities for resilience and strength. No one can control it. It cannot be rushed. It takes exactly the right amount of time to come in, reach totality, and pass, allowing the light traveling to Earth to be fully restored. The grief you are experiencing is an eclipse of the heart. It is deeply intertwined with love and the healing process occurs gradually. Relax into it. Honor each phase and stage. Find comfort in knowing that the light will return 💙

Much love,

Jen, The Nurse Intuitive